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Writing Blog 4

Tomorrow Feels A Long Ways Away

Roderick Campbell

by Janne Robinson

Go away outside world
I do not understand you
Go away birds
Go away sunshine
Go away belly, I do not desire to eat
Go away work
Go away to-dos
Go away messages and phone calls
I cannot sleep any longer, and I do not wish to be awake
I do not wish to sit numbly beside the window and hear the garbage truck in the alley
I do not wish to hear the bee trapped in the window buzzing
And I do not wish to save him
Sitting numbly all night listening to song
reading emails
reading messages
wondering why the f*ck this is happening
what do we do now?
Work?
I cannot work
there are no words I can write that are not heavy and sunken with the grief in my soul
I cannot write anything that will not reek heartache and loss
I cannot get in my car and go to the bank
I cannot move and walk and speak
I am stuck on “a dead head floating in the water”
I am stuck on music you wrote when you wished to die
I am stuck that you didn’t hit the f*cking emergency button
This is the lowest I have felt in my life
today tomorrow feels a long ways away
Where do I get the strength to go on?
Where do I gather forgiveness?
Where is my joy?
All I can see is pink and blue ribbons and a black walkie talkie
Marked with a D